Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
