Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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