Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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