I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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