Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
