We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it because I queefed?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
