but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
