if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
