What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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