Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
