I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
