Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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