Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
