Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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