On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize