I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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