BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
