i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
