He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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