I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
