I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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