Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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