Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
