the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
