I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
