Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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