opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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