Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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