But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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