I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
