His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
