So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
