Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
