I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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