He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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