I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
