Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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