What a fucking waste of an outfit
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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