So drunk, too bad you don't want this
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
