one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
