can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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