SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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