why didn't you poke me back
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize