he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just tell him i said nine months
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
