everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
