i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
