I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
