i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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