Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
