the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
