when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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