Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
