We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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