before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
