My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
