I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
