Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
