get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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