the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
