Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
