sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
