New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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