Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
