K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
